ephelia says

2005-02-10T09:41:00.000Z

I'm trying to find a blog home and style I feel comfortable with. If you know me you'll find me again once I've settled in. If you do find me don't tell me.

2005-02-09T23:30:00.000Z

No. I'll keep the address but I won't use this blog again.

2005-02-09T15:01:00.000Z

I'll keep this as a history blog.

2005-02-09T13:18:00.000Z

On hiatus. I like this name and address so I'll save it for some reason or other in the future.

Bored already

2005-02-08T19:06:00.000Z

I'm bored with my second language blog already.

Cup stacking

2005-02-08T18:16:00.000Z

Good exercise and for hand eye skills but deeply weird.

Happy New Year!!!

2005-02-08T17:39:00.000Z

Chinese people all over the world are set to celebrate the lunar New Year, which officially starts on Wednesday. This year is the Year of the Rooster, which signals prosperous but potentially turbulent times. (Could it get any more turbulent?!?!?)

Second language blogging

2005-02-08T15:03:00.000Z

I speak a second language fluently but incorrectly. I get the genders wrong but everyone understands me so it's ok. My writing abilities are terrible because I never learnt the language academically. I wish that I had a better level of skill with it because it could open a hell of a lot of doors. Realistically I know my writing could never be anywhere near mother tongue but I have a good strong spoken foundation so maybe I could make great leaps forward with it. At the moment my writing is just a string of nouns and infinitives. It really is that bad. Anyway, it's New Year's day tomorrow so it's time for a fresh string of resolutions. I've decided to start blogging (badly) in my second language. I'll carry on here in English as well.

I've heard 'em do it

2005-02-08T13:24:00.000Z

I've done some very fast typing and thinking this morning around the whole gender issue. I also have a difficulty because I have to refer to a certain group of people and the old terms are now offensive. My supervisor is very cheerful about using the old terms because he says it's historically accurate but whilst I don't want to go PC crazy I also don't want to be offensive. I think one reason I always disliked women's studies is that they seemed to be ghettoising women. Why do they need a separate department when they make up over 50% of the population? I know they'll need a separate department until all areas of culture studies are completely open to the female and male experience. Whilst men still dominate many departments and lecturers talk about the female experience as if women were an immigrant group making up 0.1% of the population (I've heard 'em do it) we need women's studies departments.

News

2005-02-08T10:06:00.000Z

A FORMER American guard at the Nuremberg Tribunal claimed yesterday that he had smuggled in the poison that allowed Hermann Goering, Hitler’s second-in-command, to escape the hangman’s noose.

We reveal today that universities across the UK are planning to step up their recruitment of overseas students. But are those students getting a fair deal and will they really bring universities the financial security they seek? Matthew Taylor reports.

More and more sick people are documenting their experiences on the internet. As well as performing a valuable service for fellow sufferers, says Natalie Hanman, in many cases, they're helping themselves

Parry

2005-02-08T09:53:00.000Z

I really enjoyed the final episode of Bruce Parry's Tribe series. If you missed it he spent a year living with tribes all over the world. Last night he was with a group in the Amazonian jungle who had particularly strong Shamanistic beliefs. I didn't see the entire series but of those I caught this seemed to be the saddest episode. The tribe were traditionally nomadic but had stayed in one village for twenty years so that they could be nearer Western medicine. They weren't really happy. Apart from that I particularly enjoyed seeing Bruce Parry in a loin cloth covered with red paint and little white feathers. He's like a younger, sexier, less condescending but perhaps less nice Michael Palin.

I've read a bit more of Introduction to Buddhism. I've realised that cold metallic edge I keep coming up against is the requirement to spend a lot of time meditating on suffering. Intellectually I can see its purpose and I know we'd all be better people if recognised how precious life is. Part of the world's problems must be that we have this head in the sand approach to other people's suffering. So on those levels I do like Buddhism. I also like the way it encourages us to have a clean and balanced mind and not cling onto empty chalices like status. I have some difficulty with the whole if you're not good in this life you could end up as a hungry ghost aspect of it. I think for me the barriers are partly cultural, partly an unwillingness to sit around thinking about suffering in case I get morbid and partly because books can never explain things the way a person can. Bruce Parry commented in last night's programme that his different cultural background would prevent him from ever really seeing what the South American Shamans do. With Buddhism I find that even though I'm not a Christian or a Jew or a Muslim I have this angel and trumpet idea of heaven and a single God at the back of my mind.

So much for willpower

2005-02-07T19:29:00.000Z

I found this via New Kid. I like The Shining the best. I'm going to tuck myself up in bed with my Buddhism book. It's better to have a nice early morning tomorrow than drag on this evening. So much for willpower.

Feeling very sleepy

2005-02-07T19:15:00.000Z

I'm feeling very sleepy but I'm going to try and do some more writing. I failed to meet this deadline but I agreed with my supervisor that I would finish this chapter by next Wednesday. I think it's doable. I've been reading a bit more of Introduction to Buddhism. It's the first book about Buddhism I've read that hasn't been written by a Westerner. Even The Art of Happiness is mediated through an American. I'm a few pages into the section on past and future lives. Some of it makes me think '!?!?!?' but that's just because it's strange to me. It doesn't have that cold metallic edge. I still haven't eaten that fruit I put by my laptop. I don't think total reformation will be possible whilst I'm doing this PhD but I've bought some ready mix biscuits so at least I'll have the fun of making them before eating them.

Use it wisely

2005-02-07T14:25:00.000Z

I've just started reading Introduction to Buddhism by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso. I've only read the two opening chapters on who was the Buddha and understanding the mind so far. It's very clearly written and I like the explanation of the distinctions between the gross mind, the subtle mind and the very subtle mind. My initial impression of Buddhism was that it was a very warm and friendly way of thought. However I keep coming up against a cold metallic edge. I don't know what it is. I can only say that it either comes from quirks in my character or something in my culture. It's my subjective interpretation.

I started work fairly late this morning but I made good progress. I've started dealing with gender. Despite being a woman my thought processes are very much enmeshed within a patriarchal thingumybob. I've always been rather put off by the militant seriousness of the gender studies people I've come across. It's only now as I get older that I see what they've been going on about all this time.

I'm enjoying my work at the moment and I no longer feel that I've had all the juice out of this PhD. It's true that the research part has been covered but instead of this stage being just tying up loose ends, it's a whole new training in itself. I'm learning to write and analyse. The work I've done recently has been the most difficult because it hasn't been drawn out of my own primary research.

My number 1 enemy is the pressure to finish quickly. I'm putting this pressure on myself because I'm anxious to move into the next stage of my life. At the same time I know I owe it to myself to make a good job of this PhD. It's not a pointless essay written to get a qualification. It's too academic for general readers but it's a resource that will interest people in my field. I'll take a couple of articles from it just to get the knowledge into general circulation and I know that the ideas I'm developing now will go into them. I hope I do finish fairly soon because I want to be with my boyfriend but at the same time I sense that this time alone can be used to prepare for the future so I should use it wisely.

All sorted news

2005-02-07T08:55:00.000Z

Tired and hungry immigrants found in a boat just off Tenerife.
Remains of Norway's oldest church found by archaeologists.
Thousands of people took to the rooftops in the Pakistani city of Lahore on Saturday night for the traditional kite flying festival.

Organisation

2005-02-06T22:59:00.000Z

Organisation is the key. I've written down what I need to do tomorrow (including email some friends) and I've put some fruit in a bowl next to my laptop. That should encourage me to actually eat some. I've torn Caravaggio's Flagellation of Christ 1607 out of a magazine and stuck it above my desk. I'm hoping that it will remind me to feel passionate about my subject. There are several articles about Caravaggio in the Arts section of the Telegraph. I've no idea why they require registration and the other online broadsheets don't.

New year

2005-02-06T20:39:00.000Z

It's Chinese/Korean New Year's eve and Pancake day on Tuesday. I've been invited to a dual purpose party. Each year I go through the whole thing of international students pulling faces at me when I try and put lemon and sugar on their pancakes. Still, I will perservere. Perhaps one day I'll be able to get them to put malt vinegar on their chips.

The beginning of Lent and a new year is a good time to try some new resolutions. I've been reading about Buddhism but I've been holding back from getting into it more deeply. I like what little I know about it. It's a good philosophy for living your life as it encourages balance and compassion. If I understand it correctly the Buddha said he wasn't going to comment on life after death and all that because no one can really know. I quite like the idea of a religion that gives you a good approach to life but leaves things like God and the afterlife alone. I don't know if Buddhism answers that description. I need to do some more reading. All the problems in my life are very minor and I know that if I can retrain my mind I can knock them on the head. I'd like to do something for Lent to symbolise a new start. Perhaps show more awareness of the effect that my lifestyle has on the environment. I can't be too extreme because I won't stick to it. I wondered about cutting out fish, only having organic dairy and eggs, avoiding completely useless drains on resources like canned drinks and only having fairtrade sweet goods. One jolly important aspect of Buddhism is meditation and I haven't even tried that yet!

I know I need a life audit. Life is nothing without friends and I need to re establish contact with the ones I've let drift. I need to stop distracting myself with things and be more organised. TV is great, the internet is great but they need to be controlled.

Differences

2005-02-06T18:55:00.000Z

We're all unique and we all perceive things in different ways. A particular system might be heaven for one person and hell for another. I find that academia is not a good system for me. I've been told that I won't have any chance of getting a position unless I've written the book. There was a time when I fixated on writing the book and all the various articles so that I would be suitable for a position. Now because I'm me and no one else I think that was where I became unstuck. If I did the book and the articles in this way it would be to improve my CV and make me more employable. If I then got the position and carried on publishing a lot of it would be about improving my reputation. If I didn't do any research I'd be living in fear of getting the boot. People around the university would make snide remarks about me the way they do about other people who don't publish. I would be going to conferences to network and make my face known, perhaps to harvest further job opportunities. I would be adapting my research to make it more fundable and everything would be built on previous experience because it'd be too risky to branch out into a completely different area.

I don't want to live like that. If I do research it's got to be because I want to learn and find out more. It's got to be for fun. I've had enough of writing things so that I can get the right qualifications. I don't want to spend the rest of my life writing things so that I can get and keep the right job. I want it to be about the subject. Maybe if you've got a different personality you could thrive in a system like the one I've just described. You would say that having to do these things for the sake of your job is good for you because it lets you keep studying something you love. That's fine but for me the pressure to publish is just a big fat turn off. If I want to pursue a career in academia I'll not only have the compulsion to publish to boost my reputation and improve my job chances, I'll also have to live where I don't want to live and delay my chances of a normal family life. When I consider that with access to a decent library and enough spare time I could study whatever I liked, academia does not look attractive.

I've just been talking to a science student who told me that the lecturers in her department are under a lot of pressure to publish. If they don't then the department's rating will fall and it will get axed. She says that the pressure is so great that no one takes the time to make any great discoveries anymore and results are announced before their time. There's an intense rivalry between the different research groups to publish first and the idea of science for science's sake has been lost. I'm lucky because I began my career with someone who is an old fashioned scholar who learns for the sake of learning. There were times when I was annoyed with him because he didn't seem to fit into this pressure to publish world, but now I'm pleased that I've met him and seen his example.

On blogging

2005-02-06T16:47:00.000Z

I've been very enthusiastic about blogging for quite a long time. It's a way for like minded individuals to meet and share ideas about everything from a to z. It's a new way of socialising and I've seen some genuine friendships grow up between long term bloggers who've spent years reading each other's sites. Before I began blogging someone commented on the voice in the dark aspect of it. I think for me that's been the most pertinent aspect of the whole thing. A lot of the time I did it to assert my identity and to feel that someone was listening to me when I had things to mull over. I don't knock blogging at all but I feel like I've skirted round some of its less desirable aspects. I spent more time confiding in the blogosphere than maintaining genuine friendships. I know I said things I shouldn't have done because I forgot how public the internet is. I really worried about my reputation, showed off, tried to become part of an imaginary community and generally got addicted. I got my priorities all wrong and spend hours blogging when I could have been exercising or doing my work.

Sunday religion blogging

2005-02-06T16:30:00.000Z

All children in the UK born after 1st September 2002 are getting £250 from the government to invest for their future. The problem is that the current arrangements do not fit in with Muslim Sharia law.

I was watching a programme on the BBC Learning Zone last night about Jewish identity in America. It charted the arrival, the process of assimilation and the way that many people are seeking to rediscover their Jewish roots. One issue raised was marrying out of the faith and the concerns that this would lead to a decline in the community. There are similar fears over here in Britain.

Finally, it's not often you hear of a new addition to the architecture of British cathedrals. Most work done on them is focussed on keeping the structures standing.

Ninjai and Mashimaro

2005-02-06T16:17:00.000Z

After a long wait I've just seen the eleventh chapter of The Little Ninja. There's now a cleaned up version for the under 13s. You might also like Korean rabbit Mashimaro. Episode 4 is my favourite.

Mary Beale and Britain's first house husband?

2005-02-06T11:10:00.000Z

Natalie has written a post on late 17th-century portrait painter Mary Beale. Like all the great portrait painters of the day were often reproduced in prints.

Great lives

2005-02-06T10:51:00.000Z

A chance discovery in a bookshop led art specialists to reclusive Yorkshire artist Joash Woodrow, described as "Leed's lost modern master." His paintings now sell for five figure sums but the 77 year old would just like to be left alone.

One of the world's finest heavyweight boxing champions Max Schmeling died on Wednesday, aged 99. He dined with Hitler and was used by the Nazis as a symbol of Aryan supremacy but he was certainly not a supporter.

Paul Rusesabagina was the manager of a luxury hotel in Kigali when it was caught in the middle of the Rwandan genocide. He is now lauded as an African Schindler because:

The hotel was packed full of Tutsis whose names were on Hutu death lists. Yet through ingenuity and bravery Rusesabagina kept every one of them from the soldiers.

From the secretive start to her career to being feted by John Updike, Alice Munro has remained true to the lives and rhythms of small-town life, and, as she tells Louise France, her new collection of short stories is another celebration of the everyday.

Controversial

2005-02-06T10:21:00.000Z

A group of scientists have found that men may think 4% faster than women. (That'll explain why they act so rashly when they think someone's insulted them in a bar)

However, most experts point out that the differences are quite small compared with the similarities and that there is far more variation between individuals than between genders.

Professor Steven Rose, director of the brain and behaviour research group at the Open University, said previous studies suggested no difference in decision-making between men and women. “It is true that men and women use different parts of the brain for similar tasks but the time taken to complete the tasks is identical.”

Bea Campbell, the feminist writer and historian, also questioned the findings. She said: “The distribution of intelligence is much the same for all genders and all races. Our experience and common sense tells us that the quest to prove one or another biological group is brainier than the other is really a vain exercise.”

History has fallen under the grip of politics in the United States. A book by right-winger Thomas E. Woods claims that many of things we believe to be true just weren't.

According to The Politically Incorrect Guide to the History of America, a surprise bestseller, early settlers treated native Americans — whom it calls Indians — with respect, buying rather than stealing their land. President Abraham Lincoln, who emancipated the slaves, was opposed to racial intermarriage and did not launch the civil war to free black people, the book says

The tragic thing about this is that the book has proved to be a bestseller and there are people in America like this:

Politically correct teaching in schools has long been a gripe of the right. Noreen McCann, 45, home-schools her six children in St Louis, Missouri, rather than expose them to left-wing thinking.

“I think Christopher Columbus was a good person for discovering America and I teach my children that he wanted to become wealthy and spread the Catholic faith to America,” she said. “I tell them, ‘Your daddy also wants to help people through charity and make money for himself and his family’.”

Satin Pajama awards

2005-02-05T20:30:00.000Z

The results of the utterly fantastic 1st European weblog awards were announced on 1st February. It's a great way to find new weblogs outside your usual circle of reading. I only have two objections. These are European awards so why is it Pajama and not Pyjama? Also why were there categories for France, Germany and the UK but not other countries? I would have liked to see Best Polish Weblog or Best Italian Weblog for example. It's very uncharitable of me to gripe though. I don't like it when bloggers snipe at each other as we're all doing this for fun.

Guy from Non Tibi Spiro,winner of weblog most deserving wider recognition, writes:

The most important thing, however, was that we all became aware of each other. Europe is in full transition mode and we will be facing tremendous challenges in the future. We need to hear each other’s voices, communicate across the borders of our respective countries and develop our own unique discourse.

There are also new sites to be found on the Bloggies. Including this one. For some reason the word 'subversive' comes to my mind when I read it. (And that's subversive in a good way Xiaxue). I also like What's New Pussycat?

All in all, well done blog award people. :-)

Saturday science blogging

2005-02-05T20:00:00.000Z

Tiny single-celled creatures, many previously unknown to science, have been found at the deepest point in the world's oceans. They live in an trench nearly 11 km down where the water pressure is over a thousand times greater than it is on the surface. BBC

Meanwhile in Antartica their little extremophile friends are the subject of a bioprospecting gold rush as companies hope to use their remarkable properties in the fight against disease. These bacteria are able to survive conditions such as extremes of temperature, radiation, salinity, and metal toxicity. BBC

If they ever get bored with hanging around on earth our little buddies might like to take a trip to the stars. The scientists at Nasa are trying to find out how they'd like it.

The Da Vinci code

2005-02-05T17:12:00.000Z

Iain Pears is one of my favourite writers. (I like him even better now I see from his biography that he also did a PhD and went onto make a life outside the academy.) I first came across him in An Instance of the Fingerpost. It's a brilliant novel that should be dangled in front of anyone who thinks 17th-century England is dull. I first heard of the healer Valentine Greatrakes through it and I remember Pears everytime I come across his name.

It's rather a long time since I read the book so I'm a bit hazy on the plotline. I also don't want to ruin it for anyone who hasn't read it yet. Let's just say that a theory about the Messiah comes into it that's quite unlike the conventional Jesus Christ story. The next time I see a copy I'll check the back to see where Pears got the idea from. I don't know if he invented it or whether it was an actual theory current at the time. I do remember the thrill I felt from reading a Messiah story that included a woman and wasn't the official church version. Alternative stories like this with strong female elements must be popular with a lot of people. I'm sure it explains why The Da Vinci Code has been so popular with its Jesus married Mary Magdalene and had a child plotline. I've been reading Elaine Pagels' book about the Gnostic Gospels and I felt a similar thrill at finding that some early Christians thought God was female and that there are stories very much outside modern Church teachings.

When I first heard people talking about The Da Vinci code I imagined that it would be like another Instance of the Fingerpost. I still haven't read it but I'm reading Dan Brown's Angels and Demons at the moment. He's not a bad thriller writer but he's nothing compared to Pears. I saw Tony Robinson's two hour deconstruction of Brown's theories on Channel 4 the other night. Of course conspiracy theorists will still be able to say that the priory of sion exists etc. . and that confessions of fakery are just a cover. (One interesting point covered by the programme and this site is that the holy grail was a medieval invention.)

I'm leaving the comments open on this post so if anyone can enlighten me on the origins of the Messiah plotline in Pears' novel I'd love to hear from you.

Howard's End

2005-02-05T14:37:00.000Z

If you are in the UK and buy The Sunday Times tomorrow you'll get a free Howard's End DVD. You can read a review of the novel from 1910 here. There are more E.M.Forster links here.

I'm feeling quite happy now and pretending that I live on a house boat on the edge of a serene lake. My home does look a bit like a house boat, or if you're less romantically inclined you could call it a bricks and mortar caravan. It is true that I am a little lonely here and I'm tired of this lifestyle but I should look at this period as a time of tranquility. I am my own boss. I'm free to do what I like when I like and devote my entire attention to something I love. That's very special and I won't have an experience like this again until I retire. (God willing I live that long)

Out of force of habit I found myself worrying about academic careers this morning. By taste I know that I would rather do what I do outside the university system. I don't like being part of a large formal group. In part that's why I've moved my blog because I felt myself becoming integrated into an academic blogosphere ecosystem. It's a good thing if you enjoy it but it's not the place for me.

Inconsequential

2005-02-05T10:18:00.000Z

I've put a link to Jim Crace's advice for would be writers in the sidebar. The most important things I took from it are:
1.) Don't state the obvious. We don't need to know that magpies are black and white. 2.) If you want to be a writer the odds are stacked against you. If you imagine that only 10% of the people who think they've got a book in them start writing one, then only 10% of those carry on to the end, a tiny percentage of those get published and then only 10% of those are happy with their book's success. 3.) In our print sodden society words are inconsequential. If you have something to say about politics or the environment you'd have more luck saying it directly in a leaflet.

I'm not in a very good mood this morning. My work is simple enough but I feel so tired. The loneliness of this lifestyle doesn't help. I am alone for nearly half the week. There are no close friends I can go out with and some of the friends on the other end of the telephone are becoming more distant. I haunt the internet looking for friendships that are all in my imagination. This will only last for as long as my work does but it's hard to work when you don't feel at your best. I've been a hamster on a wheel for so long now. I know this isn't the end of the world and that I should stop feeling so sorry for myself.

Every dog has its day

2005-02-05T08:18:00.000Z

City of London headhunter and father of three George Courtauld was on a train when he heard a boy with his arm in a sling confess that he didn't know why people were comparing him to Lord Nelson. The boy thought that Nelson was a character from Star Trek. Courtauld realised that a whole generation (well several actually) was growing up ignorant of the basic facts of British history.

So, purely for his own satisfaction, and the benefit of his three young sons, Courtauld used his Christmas holiday to draw up a wallchart, on seven A4 pages, of all the key events he thought his children should know. The chart was put up on the lavatory door at home and the concerned father resumed his City duties.

When friends heard about Courtauld's project they asked for copies and sensing that he might be on to something he began to compile a book. No commercial publishers were interested and one or two suggested that the more patriotic elements be removed. Courtauld decided to finance the book himself with the help of his friends.

the work which publishers were confident wasn’t right for the market sold 26,000 copies in its first week. For any book those would be impressive figures. For a work with an unknown author, no publishing sales team to get it into shops, no publicity department to push it in the press and no marketing machine to bring it to public attention, those sales, and the continuing success, are little short of amazing.

The Times article I got this from makes the point that these facts are not being learnt at school because of the current emphasis on empathy, ideology and narrow time periods. I'm not that old and I can confirm that I learnt most of the things in Courtauld's book from tv documentaries and BBC Radio 4.

I'm uncomfortable with the assertion that this book allows the Empire to strike back. British attitudes to the old Empire are enormously complicated. They range from total ignorance to the fact that it ever existed, to horrible guilt and open pride. How you feel may depend on the generation you come from. Personally I can't feel guilty about something that happened before I was born and I am interested in the Empire but I feel uncomfortable when people list its good points. I take the view that every dog has its day and all history comes in shades of grey. Rome has its day. Spain had its day. Britain had its day and now it's America's turn. Everyone's saying it'll be China next; which could make life very interesting.

American dominance bound to wither as Asia's confidence grows.

Mary Davis c.1651-1708

2005-02-04T20:59:00.000Z

Charles II had many mistresses, one of whom was the actress Mary Davis. You can see her portraits here. She was already working in the theatre in her early teens and Pepys praised her acting abilities in his diary. (18th Feb 1662, 8th March 1664) He thought that she was a much better dancer than Nell Gwyn, one of the king's other mistresses. In 1668 Pepys learned that Mary was leaving the theatre because Charles was in love with her. The School of Venus (1716) claims that Nell saw her rival off by lacing her food with laxatives one day before she visited the king. However, Olive Baldwin and Thelma Wilson, the authors of the DNB entry I'm getting this all from, question this story. Mary certainly stayed around long enough to bear Charles a daughter in October 1673 and she was also a performer in court entertainments.

Mary's daughter, also called Mary, married Edward, Viscount Radcliffe in 1687. Two of their three sons were executed for their parts in the Jacobite risings of 1715 and 1745. (Charles II's brother James II was ousted from the throne in 1688 because of his Catholicism. James' family was exiled to France and their supporters were called Jacobites. Effectively the two executed men were fighting for their cousins.)

Mary Davis herself married the instrumentalist and composer James Paisible in 1686, the year after Charles II's death. They spent some time with the exiled court after 1688 but returned to England where Mary died in 1708.

Who was Ephelia?

2005-02-04T18:25:00.000Z

After writing the last post I slumped miserably on the bed and watched children's television. I felt horrible but I knew I had to do something so I put on my rucksack and went to the supermarket. There I had the country's most disobedient shopping trolley and bought a lot of dairy products. I am this close to eating meat again. I know I mustn't though because it would be harder to stop again in the future.

So, who was the original Ephelia? Ephelia was the pseudonym of 17th-century poet Lady Mary Villiers. Until recently nobody knew who Ephelia was and whether she might not in fact be a he. This site tells you more about her. I assume that nobody is disputing the identification but you can tell me if someone has other ideas. You'll find a link saying 'talk to me' in the sidebar.

Why am I anonymous? Well, firstly I don't want my name appearing on random Google searches. I also very much like the idea of being like those early voices in the public sphere who signed their work with phrases like 'by a gentleman of quality.' I have been online under my real name but I disliked the way it was making me behave. I was becoming a show off and I found myself wanting to impress some huffty puffty bloggers who take themselves far too seriously. I regret that by becoming anonymous I'm losing contact with some very nice bloggers, both male and female, but I'm kidding myself if I believe that they were genuine friendships. You can make friends online but it's a slow process and I suspect a lot of it occurs behind the scenes in emails.

I've wasted this afternoon. I'll make sure I have a better working weekend by having a good early night.

Mary Toft

2005-02-04T16:05:00.000Z

When you're feeling stressed you should do something that makes you smile. I'm going to tell you about Mary Toft (bap. 1703 d. 1763). In 1726 Toft caused a medical sensation when she began giving birth to pieces of dead rabbit. She gave birth to seventeen in all and eventually confessed that it was a hoax after scrutiny from the King's own doctors became too much. She was denounced as a cheat and sent to Bridewell. One wonders what happened to her husband and mother-in-law who cooperated in the lie at the very beginning. It all began after a genuine miscarriage so it also raises questions about her state of mind. It's not really a story to smile about after all.

[Remarkable similarities in this story reported by Natalie. Was it something in the early modern mindset?]

[More from Sharon]

Ironic

2005-02-04T15:49:00.000Z

It's very ironic that the afternoon I get someone else to take over my shift so that I can focus on my work I'm too stressed to do any. I know I'm stressed because I can feel myself behaving strangely. I have an unpleasant tight feeling in my body and I can't stop myself doing things that aren't work. To think I gave up an afternoon's money for this. That just makes it worse.

I know everything's going to be ok. This isn't a life or death situation. I feel good about everything in my life at the moment I just need to get this work finished so I can move on. I'll go to the shops to get something I need then I'll come back and start again. I've only lost two hours and I worked well this morning so the day isn't lost.

I found this whilst searching for something else this morning. It's information about the people buried or commemorated in Westminster Abbey. I'm not sure that we can really believe that Thomas Parr lived for 152 years. I'm not calling him a liar, perhaps he genuinely believed it.

THO: PARR OF YE COUNTY OF SALLOP. BORNE
IN AD: l483. HE LIVED IN YE REIGNES OF TEN
PRINCES VIZ: K.EDW.4. K.ED.5. K.RICH.3.
K.HEN.7. K.HEN.8. K.EDW.6. Q.MA. Q.ELIZ.
K.JA. & K.CHARLES. AGED l52 YEARES.
& WAS BURYED HERE NOVEMB. l5. l635.